OtC: Plants vs. Zombies

So-called “Casual games” can’t be bought with Casual money. Until such a currency gets invented, games will continue to cost SERIOUS HARDCORE dollars. That’s why questioning a game’s fun and value before the purchase is still relevant even if the game costs “only” 20 bucks. But don’t waste time with the web’s mounds of metascore excrement to know whether Plants vs. Zombies is right for you. See below for every assessment you need to know.

Fun?

Who would have thought that you don’t need a trigger to feel the satisfaction of shooting. In PvZ there’s a passive shooting mechanic (the plants) that produces a respectable body count all the same. Good times are guaranteed with not only shooters but also catapults, demolition, buffs and nutty unlockables. The laughs escalate along with the carnage when your situational weapons overpower the enemy, showcasing clever and silly warfare stunts. PvZ is fun, and funny.

I cared little for the Zen Gardening feature but it led to the secret of how to tweak zombie appearance, as seen in the graphic to the right.

Value?

I derived a solid 25 hours of playtime before finishing the Adventure mode levels twice and all other mode levels once. I later spent another five hours trying to beat my own best records on a handful of challenge levels before deciding I’d had enough.

More than half of all levels will take just five minutes each to clear, while some take exponentially longer (”Bobsled Bonanza” and the second “Survival: Fog”).

In all, I found 149 semi-unique levels, and that’s double-counting the 50 levels of Adventure mode, which stays compelling for a second full playthrough (thanks to extra hardship imposed by your neighbor). The third round of Adventure though played just like the second and was an immediate bore.

What’s the game missing? Stats. I found myself wanting to know how many zombies I’d stopped, the volume of my sunflower production, and comparisons across levels and against friends. The basic download version offers no such numerical pat on the back but at least the Steam version supports achievements.

A final word on Gardening: After many Japanese RPGs, I’m fatigued by even the concept of garden maintenance in games. So it was that, anticipating a big convenience boost to my PvZ gardening routine, I began cursing and rapidly consuming cold beer when I bought the pricey Golden Watering Can only to discover it reaches a mere four plants at one time. I’d been had. Later my mood improved when I discovered I could get the garden snail high on chocolate.

What’s it to her?

(To male gamers)

A question posed by a Learning Curve staff member last Friday at beer o’clock: “Would my girlfriend like this game as a present?” My answer: A video game as a gift to a woman? No, dude, this is earth — go away and come back after your antennae fall off.

However, would your girlfriend enjoy seeing or playing your copy of this game from time to time, and credit you with intelligence and maturity for owning it?

Affirmative, mate! PvZ can help sway ladies toward respecting your gaming pixel addiction. How? Women will appreciate the neckties and stylishly ripped pants of the grunt zombies, will laugh at the subtle rolling eyeball of the miner zombie when he reverses direction, and will hum along with the cutesy credits music video.

If you’re still not convinced then show your girl the music video or Zen Gardening instead of the levels. Local surveys conducted after beer o’clock last week suggest this game is a man’s dream PR machine. The game’s positive tone is perfect for deflecting date rage when you play Eve on Saturday nights.

This title could end up ranking among your personal Top 30 for fun and value. Even if it doesn’t though, you can bet your non-casual dollars that your girlfriend will crave your brain a little more after she sees this anything-but-garden-variety showdown.